Shut Out!

So I turn on my computer today and jump on the internet only to have my greatest wishes crushed within seconds. Right there on my home page, Yahoo! (sadly my only source for world news), is the headline "12 Classic Movie Monsters." Finally, some front page recognition. So I click the link, as I advise you to do by clickling the title of this post, and right off the bat are the two classics, King King and Godzilla. No quibbles there. I mean, they're the salt and pepper (or Salt 'n' Pepa) of the monster kingdom. I think I speak for both Mothra and myself when I say I can only dream of getting a whiff of their pant legs so they're on top and rightly so but I continue on, hoping to at least crack the top 10. For those too lazy to click the link, I will review the remaining 10 here from awesomest to anti-awesomest:

The Balrog - Nerds unite and celebrate how unbelievably cool this monster of smoke and fire looked on the movie screen. A giant space turtle can inspire awe in most puny humans but this thing steals Godzilla's lunch money while the rest of us monsters just turn our heads and hope he doesn't come after us next.
The Sandworms of Arrakis - Supercool and absolutely terrifying in the books. Plus they somehow managed to keep their supercoolness in the movie version even while everything else was sucking around them. Sting in that metal codpiece with the oily, oily skin was frightening enough to make this list if you ask me.
The Blob - No arguments here. Squishy and deadly, an efficient killing machine.
Nancy Archer - Giant women are always welcome in the monster handbook.
The T Rex - Can't deny this veracious predator although it loses a few points for becoming extinct twice in the history of the universe.
Various Dragons - Yes dragons are pretty neat but choosing a flight of nameless dragons over a single, brilliantly named humongous Moth? How could they?
The Kraken - Good name, good old skool effects, lame fighting techniques led it to lose to Harry Hamlin on a Pegasus. Pfffft!
Quetzalcoatl - Seriously? This thing made the list? The author of the article never even saw the movie. Let me let you in on a little secret - this creature doesn't even get to park the cars at the annual monster meetings. "Top 12" my clawed foot!
The Sta-Puft Marshmallow Man - If you are over 8 years old, this joker shouldn't be anywhere near your list.
Unnamed Huge Mutant Creature - I won't acknowledge this choice and I won't respond to it.

So as you can imagine, Mothra and I are a bit miffed at this terrible compilation. Where is the love? I didn't fly millions of space miles to destroy various cities on this tiny planet just to be insulted by some slackjawed EW Online weasel. I demand justice. Evil monster justice.