This One's For You, Flapdoodle

It's always fun to find a new blog to read and in my case, since I only read blogs written by friends and family, it's fun to find a new friend. Flapdoodle is someone who we'd see occasionally around town over the years and recently have gotten to know better thanks mostly to the public school system since she is Sebastian's school librarian. She is also a regular listener to Battle for the Earth (bless her heart) and introduced me to the wonder of the Mont Blanc for which I will always be grateful.

She recently posted a comment on Hott Mama's blog wherein she mentioned a moldy oldie about a girl so busy she has to wait until the weekend to see her man. How busy is she? Well, Thursday is all booked up with a taffy pull if that gives you any indication. In the comment, Flapdoodle asked if I could track down the song, which I instantly did because I'm obsessive, and while I don't think it's a hidden gem by any standards, it is fun and cheesy and reminds me of one of my favorite MST3K shorts, so it gets bonus points for that. Here it is:

Come By Sunday - Diana Dors

And here the MST3K short for those with extra time to kill:

Narcotic Daydream

I love love love this new video for M. Ward's "Hold Time." The black and white slo-motion images from days of future past perfectly match the woozy swooning in the song. I love the idea of a song replacing the need for a photograph, using music and melody to capture a fleeting moment in time. This is a beautifully hazy recollection of a cherished memory and absolutely nails that indescribable feeling of awkward conversation and communication that happens without words. Another highly anticipated album in what is already shaping up to be a great year for new music.

Singing Love Songs to a Disembodied Head

Push play to listen while you read.

I just started reading Alex Ross' incredible book, The Rest Is Noise, which covers the breadth of classical music in the twentieth century - a topic dear to my heart. I first fell in love with this stuff in college and have been fascinated by it ever since. The amount of differing genres and experimentations in the last century are innumerable and I can't wait to revisit them all in this giant tome. As I cycle through the years, I'll no doubt be inspired to share some of my favorite pieces here.

Today's gem is from Richard Strauss' opera Salome, which upon its debut in Graz was lovingly dubbed "satanic" by critic Ernst Decsey. Strauss had a knack for choosing thought provoking and controversial subject matter. As Ross writes:

"In his songs, Strauss made a point of setting poets of questionable reputation - among them Richard Dehmal, infamous for his advocacy of free love; Karl Henckell, banned in Germany for outspoken socialism; Oskar Panizza, jailed for 'crimes against religion, committed through the press' (he had called Parsifal 'spiritual fodder for pederasts'); and John Henry Mackay, the biographer of Max Stirner and the author of The Anarchists, who, under the pen name 'Sagitta,' later wrote books and poems celebrating man-boy love."

You can clearly see, he had the lock on awesome source material. Salome was no different. Using Oscar Wilde's play, Salome, as its base, Strauss' opera tells the story of a Judaean princess who performs the infamous Dance of the Seven Veils for her stepfather, Herod, before demanding the unusual (even for early 1st century standards) reward of John the Baptist's head. So enjoy the final scene as Salome sings a demented love song to the disembodied head of the future patron saint of Puerto Rico. The music perfectly captures her insanity, vacillating between gauzy swooning and unsettling dissonance. After her gorgeous solo, Herod decides he has seen enough and orders the guards to crush her to death as the orchestra shrieks, abruptly ending the opera and leaving the audience in stunned silence.

In Love With the Joystick and the Robot Voice

SNL does it again! Once more they have completely changed my mind about a particular artists and made me a hardcore devotee where before I couldn't have cared less. Did you see Kanye West this past weekend on the show? I had heard that he was singing not rapping on his latest album and I was intrigued but not much. I've heard a little of his stuff before and it was fine but his ego and arrogance turned me off completely and that was that. But when I read about his auto tuned experiment of an album, my interest was piqued, and then I saw the performance of "Love Lockdown" and was sold.

Looking somewhat reminiscent of Jermaine Jackson on the Victory tour, Kanye performed solo in front of a bright screen sounding both futuristic and backwards looking at the same time. His voice was terrible and obviously not altered in any way. I was embarrassed at first but then the robot effects took hold and made it more palatable. My skepticism gave way to jaw dropping astonishment as the drums on the chorus kicked in and he began flapping about all over the stage. I tip my hat to Kanye for making such a unique, personal and bizarre choice to record an album like this and the passion which with he rocked this song was amazing. It's in my head night and day and I don't mind at all. So far, it's the greatest song of 2009 and the year hasn't even started yet.

Love Lockdown - Kanye West

The Greatest Christmas Song (and Video) Of All Time

For the past decade, I've tried to acquire a new album of Christmas music each year. Generally Christmas albums can be quite terrible and I've certainly had my share of bombs, none worse than Jim Nabors' absolutely unlistenable collection of mistakes, but I've found more hits than misses so the search continues.

Last year, I never really got in the mood to listen to many of my albums regardless of whether they were pop novelties or sacred religious compositions. I don't know what has caused it but this year I'm excited to cycle through the ever growing collection and enjoy the songs that are only really appropriate in December. They've really helped console me since Miley broke my heart.

The season really began when the unmistakable sounds of that dreadful Paul McCartney song wafted into my office from the department radio. Nothing says Christmas like drippy sentiment and so we were off and running. I've heard plenty of Christmas Classix in stores where they are contractually obligated to spread holiday cheer and while those are nice, I was delighted to hear some new, beautiful and deeply touching songs on the Colbert Christmas special. "Can I Interest You In Hannukah" even stirred the hidden Jew within me and I have been knee deep in holiday spirit ever since.

Pop radio and in store broadcasts cover all the expected bases and play the typical standards from Nat King Cole, George Winston and The Waitresses but I'm always surprised that the one song I almost never hear is The Kinks' "Father Christmas" which up until recently was my favorite Christmas song of all. Maybe I'm listening to the wrong stations but it is always a Christmas miracle when I get a chance to hear this masterpiece. It still ranks at number two but has been surpassed by what I truly believe to be the greatest Christmas song of all time. Number one has got it all: good cheer, conflict, a children's choir, blistering guitar blasts. Plus, the video is astounding with its mix of high drama and laser beams. Enjoy.

My Brief Love Affair With Miley Cyrus

It all started one hot summer night while driving home from a Swampbats game with Sebastian. The local pop station was playing a saccharine tune I had never heard but instantly liked. Sebastian, always a wonderful back seat critic chimed in with his approval as well. Something about this over produced gem just set the night on fire. Take a listen:



My initial feelings quickly turned to loved as I heard it a few more times on the radio along with a fantastic cover by The Mae Shi. As awesome as that version is, it still can't touch the original. I put the song on a mix for Hott Mama and upon hearing the line "She's just being Miley" she turned to me and said, "Is this Miley Cyrus?" with a mix of confusion, intrigue and disdain. "Yes, yes" I replied, "I know she's a horrid little girl who represents and perpetuates things that make me ill but this jam is too hot to handle, too cold to hold." The power of the song cold not be denied and the family cruised down the highway, all blissed out on Hannah Montana.

Recently Hott Mama was telling others about my little obsession and always got the same disgusted reaction. Why were people so shocked? I have no power to resist shiny pop magic like "See You Again" and neither should most free thinking Americans. Forget all the crap you're handed about this tween superstar and just soak in the glorious end results of the modern day hit machine running on all cylinders. Why are so many people quick to hate her? Can she really be as horrid as they say? I was starting to become filled with painful self doubt but then I saw this clip from the AMAs.



She scores again! What a song! She's got that Kelly Clarkson-esque rock power on stage and knocks it out of the park on this one. Miley, throw your leather jacket to me! And what about those creepy silver people? A stunning performance.

So now I'm thinking she just may have a start to finish mind blower of an album sitting out there, waiting to be consumed. I read a few reviews of it, decided to check out "Wake Up America" and instantly lost all interest in pursuing this infatuation. It's a facile song riding the green chic movement and is as obvious and embarrassing as "We Are the World." It's Miley's call to arms to stop throwing Funyuns bags out of your car windows and wrapping Christmas presents in Styrofoam and the lyrics just kill me, especially these lines:

"Everything I read is/'Global warming', 'going green'/I don't know what all this means/But it seems to be saying/Wake up America"

So she's not willing to do the tiniest bit of research into the topic of the song but is willing to sing about it passionately for 2 1/2 minutes? I question her motives and her sincerity. And then there's this little treasure buried in the bridge:

"I know that you don't wanna hear it/Especially coming from someone so young/But in the backseat, yeah/They wanna hear it/So come on, turn it up"

Bleh! Screw you mom and dad! You're too old and too lame to care but that 10 year old in the backseat shows a commitment to recycling, composting and communal living that is so radical it will blow. your. mind. Oh, Miley! I had such hopes for us but now I fear it's over. Although, upon second listen, I did find "Wake Up, America" strangely attractive. Maybe I'll just take this relationship slow.

What a Bunch of Swell Guys

I thought it might be helpful to explain the somewhat odd last option on this week's poll. It's from a Fugazi show at Fort Reno where they stopped to admonish some overly testosterone fueled meatheads in the middle of their set. It's one thing to yell at your audience to calm down and it's quite another to call them out for eating ice cream earlier in the day. "You eat ice cream, everybody knows it." I'm pretty sure this clip is from a show that Listmaker and I attended. We found it hilarious then and I still love it today. Here's the (unsafe for work) audio of the scene from the wonderful documentary "Instrument" with stills from said film. I miss Fugazi.

Whatever Happened to Brice Beckham?

At Mothra's birthday party last weekend, the conversation veered to tv shows and the lack of Very Special Episodes (VSE) these days. Now, many shows probably still tackle touchy issues, for example last week's "Beverly Hills 90210" tactfully and maturely handled he hot button issue of the elderly and karaoke usage, but they don't seem to bill them the same way. I remember that in the 80s, VSEs always seemed like an event. They only happened once or twice a season unless they were a show like "Family" where sensitive topics were the norm.

Whenever VSEs come up in conversation, some of the same ones pop up again and again: When Kimberly was abducted on "Diff'rent Strokes"; Alex P. Keaton's mental breakdown after the death of a friend or Tom Hanks' guest appearance as the vanilla-swilling alcoholic uncle on "Family Ties"; Cherry gets stuck in the refrigerator on "Punky Brewster." The one I always bring up seems to have been erased from most people's memories and not without good reason. The VSE that did the most mental damage to me as a kid was the "Mr. Belvedere" episode when Wesley gets molested at camp. This probably corrupted me more than any episode of "Night Court" ever did. For those who don't remember this episode, here's the tv trailer that they used to draw in viewers. After seeing this, you'll wonder how they ended up with any viewers at all.



And here's a creepy clip from the Sam Gets Abducted episode of "Diff'rent Strokes." Are sitcoms this terrifying nowadays or was this due to Reaganomics?


And just because it's so awesome, here's the "Mr. Belvedere" opening credits sequence featuring the inimitable Leon Redbone:

And Now Exhale

I saw this on Jjosh's blog a while back and instantly fell in love with it. It's so perfectly put together and basically sums up the way the excitement about Obama and the hope for positive change steamrolled over the negativity and ugly rhetoric of the conservative camp. I also love the whole idea if Rickrolling so it's doubly awesome. I wanted to post this yesterday but got superstitious and thought it better to wait. Now that it's Wednesday, I can stop holding my breath and share this amazing video. Huzzah!

Care For a Lozenge?

I'm not a huge metalhead, or hesher if you will, but I've always had a fondness for it. What I love most about a certain type of metal fan, the ones in Heavy Metal Parking Lot for instance, is their single-minded commitment to the metal lifestyle. From my vantage point, it seems that most headbangers just want to rock and while they may have their preferences any rock'll do. Except of course for candy-ass hair metal.

For last year's metal show, Mothra and I explored the various outlying realms of the metalsphere including, but not limited to, grindcore, stoner metal, viking metal and fantasy metal (my new favorite). While not all were instantly cuddly and lovable, I learned to enjoy almost all of them but the ones I just don't get are black & death metal. I can't even tell them apart. The reason I can't get a handle on these genres is because of the cookie monster vocals featured on every single song by every single band. Good luck telling the difference between Carcass, Cannibal Corpse or Gorgoroth and good luck trying to sing along. It's all throaty, rumbly nonsense and most of the lyrics read like an autopsy report. How do these singers get these voices? Do they gargle acid and broken glass? And it's not just men. There are female vocalists for some of these groups and they sound exactly the same. It's bizarre, creepy, unbelievably samey and I just don't get it. I do, however, get this:

I Shred Hot Fire

Hats off to Mothra for telling me about this amazingness. Jjosh recently posted the Shreds video of the perennially overrated Eric Clapton showing off his chops and since I was watching at work at not closely enough, I thought it was actual footage of the man losing his mind on stage. I now see the error of my ways. That's what I get for not clicking on the links. Anyhow, there's an entire series of these monsters out there where absolutely ridiculous noodling is overdubbed over footage of guitar masters rocking out. Jjosh says that Clapton is the hands down winner but I'm not so sure. There's so many brilliant moments here from Santana's starting declaration of "You're dead meat" to the keyboardist's solo take on Europe's classic "The Final Countdown" to the percussion madness courtesy of the drummer's furious snare rolls. It's 4 minutes of pure joy but I think my favorite section is from 3:20-3:35. Better than Clapton? Please discuss.



And just for kicks, here's another video that always satisfies.

Blow Your Harmonica, Son

Next week Jimbama and I get to go to the glorious Hampton Beach Casino Ballroom on the NH coast to see Zappa Plays Zappa for the second summer in a row. Last year they tore the place up. The crowd was full of old school Frank fans who looked exactly as you'd imagine a group of 60s burnouts living near the NH coast would look. Lots of long moustaches, grizzled faces and a bevy of tattooed ladies. They went absolutely insane for the entirety of the show, similar to the San Quentin inmates, and hooted and hollered long after the encore. Dweezil commented on how crazy we all were and promised to be back next year. He seemed genuinely surprised at the hardcore superfans filling the place but Frank Zappa freaks are nothing if not obsessive.

So they're returning to the same venue with a whole new set of songs from throughout Frank's long and storied career. Nothing will excite me as much as their mindblowing version of "Brown Shoes Don't Make It" from last year's show but I'm giddy with anticipation anyhow. Here's a wild clip from Frank's appearance on the Steve Allen show back in 1963 when he was only 22. This is clip 4 of 4 and you can see the others here, here and here but this is really the showpiece - Frank conducts Steve and his orchestra in a improvisatory noise piece centering around 2 bicycles. I can't believe they spent so much time on this segment (all 4 parts total over 16 minutes) and allowed such cacophonous experimentation on a popular show. Teevee sure was different back then.



Here is a clip of Frank's induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (which has yet to set things right and induct Rush) in 1994 shortly after his death. It begins with a fun montage of his music and philosophies and then moves on to a typically bored speech by Lou Reed, professional creepshow, and a bizarre but strangely moving award acceptance by Moon Unit.

Fun With Black Bars

I came across this on Pitchfork and decided to give it a go seeing as I'm a fan of 70s fashion and feathered hair. Usually I'm not in favor of the black bars but here they use the censorship tool in a pretty clever way.

Justin Dances the Carlton

I don't know about you, but I can't get enough of The Darkness lately. You'd think after posting 5 videos from them the other day I'd be satiated but no. I kept searching to see what other gems I had missed and came across this wonder. It is a video from their first album that apparently wasn't even released in the UK. Instead it was sent out to other European nations who know a good club banger when they hear one. If this was the 70s, this would have been a smash for ABBA. Even if you hated the other videos or didn't watch them at all, as I suspect you may have, I beseech you to check out these 2. They are so bizarre and wonderful and completely unlike the other 5. Trust me - they have the Gamera seal of approval.

Friday Night


Drug use can alternately help or hurt musicians. With The Darkness it seems mostly to have hurt them. First off, they lost their Village People like bassist and his glorious moustache due to internal strife most likely brought on by drug problems. Secondly, Justin Hawkins, not a handsome man to begin with, lost some of his charisma and gained a bit of a paunch. He also looks odd in this video but I can't put my finger on exactly what it is. He looks pale and unhealthy but then again he's British.

It saddens me that Justin's substance abuse led to the dissolution of the band because no other musician has a falsetto like his and no other group made videos like this. From their second album, One Way Ticket to Hell...and Back!, this is the surprisingly disco-influenced "Girlfriend" with the equally shocking Flash Dance-inspired video featuring the greatest keytar solo I've ever seen. Laugh it up.

Girlfriend

Come Into the Darkness

When I first heard of The Darkness, on MTV News strangeley enough, I thought, "Has it really come to this?" There was no way in hell anyone could really be excited about the return of glam/hair metal. Based on the video clips, they were obviously making a splash in England but good luck in America, you bucktoothed, jumpsuit wearing throwbacks. I was wrong. Their first album, Permission to Land, hit #36 here in the states and was certified Gold. Not only that, but I had a complete change of heart and learned to love again. I fell for The Darkness. I was ready for a band that didn't take itself overly seriously. They were somehow able to slyly play up the rock cliches of yesteryear while also executing them with panache. Jump kicks? Check. Double guitar solos? Yes indeed. Unitards? And how. I find the album a bit uneven but the hits are untouchable. Let's set the wayback machine to 2003 and revisit the first 5 videos The Darkness created.

The first single/video is a good way to introduce the band to the beer swilling millions across the pond. Their look and sound were certainly a bit shocking at the time but seeing them rock a capacity crowd allows them to use bandwagoneering to their advantage. After all, 1,000,000 toothless Darkness fans can't be wrong, can they?

Get Your Hands Off My Woman


Video 2 is a great leap forwards. It not only introduces the spaceship concept that runs through the next 4 videos and the album cover but gives us The Darkness' brilliant creation myth. A Pterodactyl mated with a spaceship which in turn laid the 4 eggs that would hatch the band members. Born as children, they commandeer a helicopter, get struck by lightning and emerge full grown men on the front lawn of a castle. Of course, it's mostly a rehash of The Iliad but what isn't? This video has got it all - a naked Justin Hawkins singing in the bathtub, a glowing jumpsuit and skeet shooting with guitars. Is this song about a new love interest or STDs?

Growing on Me


The third video and their biggest hit consists of a killer riff, low budget pyrotechnics and 3 guitar solos. The crab fight is hilarious as is the cardboard stage straight out of MST3K. Beamed in from an alternate universe, this video caught America's attention for a brief moment back when the Jonas Brothers were still zygotes.

I Believe in a Thing Called Love


Not on their album, this special treat arrived just in time for the holiday season. While it may be tied with The Kinks' "Father Christmas" for best Christmas song ever, it is certainly the greatest holiday music video ever made and possibly one of the 10 best videos of all time. Wearing a outfit from the Frederick's of Hollywood seasonal catalog, Justin leads us on a sentimental journey of love and loss at the end of the year which manages to be genuinely affecting. It's not all tears and sadness though as the rest of the band open heartwarming presents and a children's choir shows up to once again fill our hearts with hope and make us believe again.

Christmas Time (Don't Let the Bells End)



Smartly waiting until after 3 barnburners and a holiday classic, The Darkness finally unleashed a power ballad on America and America shrugged. The song is a fine example of the form but the video lacks any of the power and wit of their earlier masterpieces. There is a nice shot of a waterfall though. Oh, who am I kidding? This is totally inessential but please do watch the other 4 videos. As the queen would say, "They're good for a larf."

Love is Only a Feeling

El Diablo Blanco

Back when I was a Netflix subscriber (thanks the the Princess), I was obsessed with renting as many music documentaries as I could. One such film was Metal: A Headbanger's Journey, a fascinating sociological and anthropological exploration of the Metal Underground undertaken by the film's director and certified metalhead, Sam Dunn. It's a pretty amazing movie, even for those who are not huge fans of the genre. Mothra and I watched it together and were left wanting more.

The documentary spans the entirety of metal touching on everything from L.A. Hair Metal to Swedish Death Metal. The real treats in the film are the live performances and the amazing amount of interviews. Sam Dunn interviews insanely rabid fans, some of whom are straight out of Heavy Metal Parking Lot, as well as an incredible array of musicians. There are many highlights including: the metal family tree; the massive amounts of swords and armor that fill the surprisingly short Ronnie James Dio's house; the interview with Slayer's Tom Araya where he admits they aren't really Satanists; the mindblowing shot of Sverd i Fjell (Swords in Rock) on the Norweigian coast. After hearing tales of Norway's black metal purveyors burning down churches and murdering people and then witnessing this gigantic homage to their viking ancestors, you realise that Norway is not faking it.

Sam Dunn is back this summer with his second documentary delving deeper into the world of metal and the metal of the world. Global Metal follows Sam through four continents to see how different cultures react to heavy metal and how they reinterpret it in their own contexts and cultures. Check out the trailer here and try to keep from throwing up your devil horns.

The Peacock Shows the Way

I love love love pop radio. Or at least the idea of pop radio. I was raised on mix stations before I discovered the glories of WHFS (R.I.P.) and always liked the way the sets vacillated between saccharine slow jams, mild rock songs and bumpin fresh beats. It's probably the cause of my voracious appetite for all genres of music and the occasional lack of quality control when it comes to MOR pop and other hits meant for kids 18 years my junior.

These days I don't listen to as much Top 40 radio as I did in my middle school days and without access to MTV or Hot Topic or other bastions of teen and tween culture, I am at sea without a Justin Timberlake-endorsed life jacket. I really do miss having my finger on the pulse of today's youth so I try to at least have some idea of what's out there but reading the top 20 charts always proves to me how out of it I am. Of the top 10 albums on the Billboard 200 right now, I know 6 of the artists but that's only because there are dinosaurs like Madonna, Frank Sinatra and inexplicably, Neil Diamond on there. Looking further down the list, I drift further away from my comfort zone, stuck in a crowd of unfamiliar faces. Who the hell are the Flobots? Seriously are we out of band names?

Occasionally, a band and/or track will be so hot that I can't avoid it and I once again fall in love with a slick radio gem. Oftentimes, I have Saturday Night Live to credit with the assist. They book musical guests that I rarely pursue in my own life but I give the benefit of the doubt when awake at 12:30 am. In the past I've had my mind completely blown by performances by Kelly Clarkson and Avril Lavigne whose angst-filled rendition of slow burn "I'm With You" changed my opinion of her before the first chorus.

Kelly Clarkson - "Since U Been Gone"
Kelly Clarkson - Since U Been Gone (Saturday Night Live 12 February 2005) -

Avril Lavigne - "I'm With You/Complicated"


I also renewed my interest in Radiohead when I saw Johnny Greenwood twiddling knobs and pulling plugs during "Idioteque," a song so strange & beautiful it nearly gave me heart palpitations.

Radiohead - "Idioteque"


Recently I've fallen in love with Gnarls Barkley after witnessing their breakneck attack on the single "Run." It was like a punk rock soul song performed by a Pentecostal Southern Baptist preacher. Most times, even the sucky bands put on a good performance so I try to catch the show each week and while there have been some interesting choices this year, nothing has hit me as hard as Usher's recent run through of his smash "Love in This Club." I had just read about the song that same day in Entertainment Weekly (my source) and was intrigued by the sound of it, mostly because it's a song about getting busy in a club and not caring who is watching. It's like the unofficial theme song for Swinger Nation. The song did not disappoint, it's a modern soul masterpiece and well deserved it's top spot on the singles chart, plus the dancing was insanely choreographed and included a pop and lock drum breakdown which seemed to defy physics. NBC seems to scour online video posting sites, especially YouTube, to remove all videos of SNL performances but they don't post them on their site either so it's very hard to rewatch your favorites and it's incredibly frustrating. Thankfully, other sites have stepped up to fill the gaps. Enjoy these videos while you can before NBC's brain police find and eliminate them.

Usher - "Love in This Club"
[LIVE] Love In This Club Feat. Young Jeezy / Usher -On SNL- -

Rat-a-tat-tat

As far as instrumental bands go, Ratatat is one of my favorites. Mothra's too, I suspect. What's not to like? Crunchy guitar riffs, awesome programmed beats and heavenly synth lines form a holy union to rock your pants right off.

Their first album kicked off with the absolutely perfect "Seventeen Years" and didn't let up from there. The first time I heard that song switch from electro-funk to a soft bed of ethereal genius halfway through, I was hooked. My son also fell hard for them and this cd is probably high on the most listened to albums in our house. 5 years later, the pleasures still haven't dulled.

For their second album Classics the duo stuck to the formula and produced another magical masterpiece. As they themselves said, highlighting the nearly Xerox-like qualities of the new batch of songs, Classics sounds like the first lp played backwards. Good enough for me. Plus there's a bad ass wildcat on the cover. Rowr!

LP3 is due out in July and they just posted the first video on YouTube. The song seems more electronic based than the earlier guitar heavy tunes but it's still got those slinky, intertwining lines and booty rockin beats. This one's for all the Predator fans out there, you know who you are.

Two Shades of Tambourines

Long gone are the days of 120 Minutes, Yo! MTV Raps and Headbanger's Ball so I don't see many videos these days but I did want to share this one with you. At work today, we were talking about ASCII art, that amazing old skool computer art created by a bunch of letters and symbols all perfectly placed to make a larger picture. Initially, these works were done by hand but now there are programs that allow text or image to ASCII conversions without stress or strain or hours wasted finding the perfect letters to represent your ASCII Mona Lisa's mouth.
Here's an example of an ASCII bird, in color!

If you search through the internet you can find pages and pages devoted to this amazing art form. There are picture galleries and animation galleries but also Star Wars, The Incredibles and even an ASCII version of Deep Throat.

Apparently, Beck is also a fan because he made a video done almost completely in ASCII art. The song is ok but the artwork is mindblowing, especially half way through when font sizes increase and decrease at will.

"Black Tambourine"


Here's another tambourine while we're on the subject. I love how the guys in the Lemon Pipers aren't even trying to hide the fact that they're lip synching. Stick around after the song for the extremely awkward interview.

"Green Tambourine"

The Glory of Lurv

Damn you Dirty Dancing! You have cast your spell on me and I can't get you out of my head. Some films you miss out on and as others grow attached and obsess and trade lines you sit idly by and figure you have lost your chance. You will never feel the same way about it that they do. Those jokes are so deeply embedded in those who were there from the beginning that they are part of their DNA. You have arrived late to the party and can either scramble to play catch up or abandon ship. I figured I was in the latter camp when it came to Dirty Dancing but when I finally got around to watching it, the masterpiece of 80s filmmaking sank its claws deep inside of me and has yet to let go. I get it! I see why this film is a classic of escapist cinema. I may have missed out on 21 years of good times and giggles watching these two star crossed lovers circle each other like carnivorous birds but it didn't ruin the experience for me. I'm just surprised how quickly this film took over my psyche.

Do you know how I know the sickness has invaded my every pore? It's because when I watch the video for "She's Like the Wind" I don't gawk and roar with laughter at Swayze the singer's over emoting. No. Instead I swoon as Baby and Johnny practice dance moves, jump on a log and swim in a lake. What kind of voodoo has kicked me in the head? Take a gander for yourself. If you have a soul, you too will find yourself flooded with conflicting emotions as you watch this. It's like viewing home movies starring someone else. The feelings this stirs up make me feel like I was there, like I was Johnny or perhaps Baby and lived through this magical summer at Kellerman's. I am converted and it feels so good!



I feel about Dirty Dancing the way I felt about The Karate Kid. I left the theater after that one ready to do some serious kicking and since having my life altered by Swayze and Co. I want to lift my dance partner over my head and smash a car window to get to the keys I locked inside. I want to help carry a watermelon into a party for sweaty minimum wage slaves. I want to live dammit!

And of course, thinking about The Karate Kid makes me think of Peter Cetera and how he is one of the guiltiest of pleasures. "You're the Inspiration" and "The Glory of Love" are inescapable smash hits that will echo through my skull for all eternity but what is the deal with the way Cetera sings? It's really odd. Check out this story about a throwdown he was in back in 1969 at Dodgers Stadium: "Four marines didn't like a long-haired rock 'n' roller in a baseball park," Cetera recounts, "and of course I was a Cub fan, and I was in Dodger Stadium, and that didn't do so well. I got in a fight and got a broken jaw in three places, and I was in intensive care for a couple of days. The only funny thing I can think about the whole incident," he says, "is that, with my jaw wired together, I actually went on the road, and I was actually singing through my clenched jaw, which, to this day, is still the way I sing." He's so much cooler than I thought. What a badass. Set the wayback machine for 1986: