What's More Unbelievable?

Monday, September 8, 2008

The Delicious Taste of Bitter Bile

More work time revelations courtesy of the communal radio. The first is that I hate the harmonica, or at least I hate the way John Popper plays it. From my chair, which isn't terribly close to the radio, I can only hear the high end of songs which means that during "Runaround" by Blues Traveler, the harmonica solo appears unaccompanied, allowing me to focus on the sheer ridiculousness of it all. Now granted, it might make more sense in context with a backbeat and a harmonic foundation but from where I'm sitting, it's more grating than any blast of white noise I've ever been subjected to. It's all aimless fluttering and tweeting and a ghastly succession of runs up and down the harmonica making me wonder if Mr. Popper has somehow learned to be a human bagpipe, never needing to take a breath, always full of more air to push out assuring that his tuneless bleating will never have to pause.

The second revelation is that I was wrong, so wrong, when I thought that "Kokomo" was one of the worst songs ever written. Lazy, sure but worst ever? Not by a long shot. Hott Mama chided me on this a while back and it made me see the light. I can't say I like the song because the lyrics are insipid, the video is terrible, the damage it does to the Beach Boys legacy in inexcusable and the way it drills itself into your head is maddening, but it is not utterly horrendous. "What's Up!" by 4 Non Blondes however is a crime against music listeners everywhere, everyone hates it.

With "Kokomo," I was often met with mixed reactions when I professed my hatred for it because some people simply like to be whisked away to the sunny climes of Key Largo, Montego, etc. But nobody, literally nobody, has expressed anything but complete disdain for Linda Perry and her atrocious singing whenever I go on at length about this song, which is disturbingly often recently. This song puts me in a bad place and the worst part about it is it's tapeworm-like ability to implant itself and refuse to leave. Just hearing the title immediately gets the hellacious melody stuck in my head where nothing short of an icepick will remove it from my tortured brain. I try singing other, more pleasing songs to myself only to have it reappear again and again, refusing to die. A coworker sent me a link to this song today and ruined my morning. So if this is universally hated who are these people posting comments on YouTube? Here's a sampling:

whatisgoingoingon (19 hours ago)
I just love this song!thanks for this!Lulu

thenewgirlawakens (1 day ago)
Superb!! A song that has helped me alot in my life....Gave me hope...and strenght to not give up...
shoosh21 (5 days ago)
i LOVED and still LOVE this song. gees she was my idle when i was young!

KatheyAA (1 week ago)
OMG,I remember when this song first came out!!! I used to love the song!

kravmagiczka (1 week ago) the best 90's

surver2007 (2 weeks ago)
I love this song<3

These people can't be serious, can they? Isn't there any objectivity in music? Can't we all agree as a people that this is the worst musical atrocity ever committed on the public? If you can think of a worse song, please post it in the comments because I cannot think of anything that comes close.

1 comment:

Listmaker said...

kokomo has grown on me after hearing it 7 times in a row before a show a few months ago. the same treatment though did not have the same effect for me with don't worry be happy. the next time i hear that song i might kill someone.