My Brief Love Affair With Miley Cyrus

It all started one hot summer night while driving home from a Swampbats game with Sebastian. The local pop station was playing a saccharine tune I had never heard but instantly liked. Sebastian, always a wonderful back seat critic chimed in with his approval as well. Something about this over produced gem just set the night on fire. Take a listen:



My initial feelings quickly turned to loved as I heard it a few more times on the radio along with a fantastic cover by The Mae Shi. As awesome as that version is, it still can't touch the original. I put the song on a mix for Hott Mama and upon hearing the line "She's just being Miley" she turned to me and said, "Is this Miley Cyrus?" with a mix of confusion, intrigue and disdain. "Yes, yes" I replied, "I know she's a horrid little girl who represents and perpetuates things that make me ill but this jam is too hot to handle, too cold to hold." The power of the song cold not be denied and the family cruised down the highway, all blissed out on Hannah Montana.

Recently Hott Mama was telling others about my little obsession and always got the same disgusted reaction. Why were people so shocked? I have no power to resist shiny pop magic like "See You Again" and neither should most free thinking Americans. Forget all the crap you're handed about this tween superstar and just soak in the glorious end results of the modern day hit machine running on all cylinders. Why are so many people quick to hate her? Can she really be as horrid as they say? I was starting to become filled with painful self doubt but then I saw this clip from the AMAs.



She scores again! What a song! She's got that Kelly Clarkson-esque rock power on stage and knocks it out of the park on this one. Miley, throw your leather jacket to me! And what about those creepy silver people? A stunning performance.

So now I'm thinking she just may have a start to finish mind blower of an album sitting out there, waiting to be consumed. I read a few reviews of it, decided to check out "Wake Up America" and instantly lost all interest in pursuing this infatuation. It's a facile song riding the green chic movement and is as obvious and embarrassing as "We Are the World." It's Miley's call to arms to stop throwing Funyuns bags out of your car windows and wrapping Christmas presents in Styrofoam and the lyrics just kill me, especially these lines:

"Everything I read is/'Global warming', 'going green'/I don't know what all this means/But it seems to be saying/Wake up America"

So she's not willing to do the tiniest bit of research into the topic of the song but is willing to sing about it passionately for 2 1/2 minutes? I question her motives and her sincerity. And then there's this little treasure buried in the bridge:

"I know that you don't wanna hear it/Especially coming from someone so young/But in the backseat, yeah/They wanna hear it/So come on, turn it up"

Bleh! Screw you mom and dad! You're too old and too lame to care but that 10 year old in the backseat shows a commitment to recycling, composting and communal living that is so radical it will blow. your. mind. Oh, Miley! I had such hopes for us but now I fear it's over. Although, upon second listen, I did find "Wake Up, America" strangely attractive. Maybe I'll just take this relationship slow.