A Fish of Cheese With the Head of Walt Whitman

April is poetry month and I wanted to kick it off with some brilliant, inspired lyrics proving that the musicians and songwriters and the true poets of our golden age. I didn't have anything set to post today but then I was playing Rock band 2 with Hott Mama (and killing it if I can be honest for a moment) when who should appear like a beacon on a foggy night? Dave Mustaine, a man sadly passed over year after year for Poet Laureate. Was he born in Canada or something for I can think of no other reason he has yet to receive this highest honor that all little heshers aspire to.

"Peace Sells" came blasting out of the teevee and we fumbled our way through it as best we could. I had never heard the song as I had vowed to never listen to Megadeth ever again after their ubiquitous mind-bender of a hit "Sweating Bullets" kept showing up on MTV back in the early 90s. I refused to give them any love even though they have some of the best album titles of all time such as Killing is My Business...And Business is Good! and So Far, So Good...So What? They tried to recapture this glory with 2007's United Abominations but without an ellipsis I just can't bring myself to care.

Well the song itself was pretty terrible, as I assumed it would be, but the lyrics were a sheer joy to hear. While I fake-drummed away and Hott Mama caterwauled along with Mr. Mustaine, I realised that Steve Albini is indie rock's Dave Mustaine. Here's the proof that they may have been separated at birth. 1. Both have odd, growly, speak-sing vocal styles. 2. They're both crotchety contrarians who always seem to be harshly judging all humankind, including their faithful audience members. 3. They both somehow come off as joyless and smirking at the same time.

Here's a sample of Dave Mustaine's brilliance when it comes to putting pen to paper followed by some audio samples of these long lost twins.

Peace Sells:
What do you mean, "I don't believe in God"?
I talk to him every day.
What do you mean, "I don't support your system"?
I go to court when I have to.
What do you mean, "I can't get to work on time"?
I got nothing better to do
And, what do you mean, "I don't pay my bills"?
Why do you think I'm broke? Huh?

Peace Sells - Megadeth

My Black Ass - Shellac

Watching the Clock Move Backwards

Today is a horribly long day. I'm got little pressing work to do and I'm also desperate to get out of here which always makes for a sloooow workday so i'm trying to busy myself by playing Gemcraft and trying to advance a level or 3. I'm doubly excited today because not only am I going to see The Dark Knight this evening but I have a date with the Manixes and Rock Band afterwards. I'm about to gnaw my leg off in anticipation.

As you may or may not know, Rock Band is, as Mothra so eloquently put it, "the greatest thing ever." I can't properly express my love for the game or the ways in which they have created the perfect group experience but let's just say it dominates my every waking moment. Even after hour upon hour of playing it, I never tire and the additional songs they offer online help to keep the fresh songs coming so you don't get stuck playing "In Bloom" over and over again until you never, ever want to hear it for the rest of your life.

Rock Band's dark overlords, Harmonix, recently announced the full track list for Rock Band 2 and it's stellar. The makers of Guitar Hero III are also debuting their next installment soon but for some reason, I'm just not as thrilled about their game. Harmonix just seems like a smarter game developer and I've never quite been able to pinpoint why I feel that way but this interview nicely explains the differences and shows why they are the better company.

So here are the 10 tracks I'm most excited to play once Rock Band 2 debuts followed by my least favorite songs to play on the original Rock Band. For both lists, I'm only including songs by nationally known bands that come with the game and not bonus songs by Harmonix employees or any of the songs available online.

The most excitingest tracks on Rock Band 2:
"Any Way You Want It" - Journey
"Bad Reputation" - Joan Jett
"Battery" - Metallica
"Chop Suey!" - System of a Down
"Drain You" - Nirvana
"Livin' on a Prayer" - Bon Jovi
"Rebel Girl" - Bikini Kill
"Teen Age Riot" - Sonic Youth
"Uncontrollable Urge" - Devo
"White Wedding Pt. I" - Billy Idol

The fact that Bikini Kill is even on this game gives them bonus points but all of these will be amazing to play with a room full of people. The wide range of styles and odd choices like Devo are what make me love Rock Band like a third child.

The least fun songs to play on Rock Band:
"Ballroom Blitz" -Sweet
"Cherub Rock" - Smashing Pumpkins
"Dani California" - Red Hot Chili Peppers
"Epic" - Faith No More
"Go with the Flow" - Queens of the Stone Age
"I Think I'm Paranoid" - Garbage
"Learn to Fly" - Foo Fighters
"The Hand That Feeds" - Nine Inch Nails
"Train Kept A-Rollin'" - Aerosmith
"Vasoline" - Stone Temple Pilots

Most of these are either dull, monotonous or just plain lousy. The Aerosmith tune always elicits loud groans of disapproval whenever it comes up on a mystery setlist and "Vasoline" is mind-numbingly repretitive and simply awful. The less said about "Dani California" the better.

Come on 5 o'clock!

I Can't Believe I Never Thought of This

The first band I was ever in was a cover band. We played the hits of all the greats like Red Hot Chili Peppers, Stone Temple Pilots and House of Pain. For some reason, I never thought to play the music from my favorite video games although it's probably for the best as there's apparently a glut of 8-bit cover bands out there.

When I first heard of The Advantage, I was intrigued. A band who play only songs from classic NES titles? Could they be better than the Beatles? It took me a few years to actually hear them and I must say, it's a great concept but it wears a little thin over the course of an album. Also, they play songs that are unfamiliar to me so the joy of hearing rock versions of 8-bit classics is too often lost on me. Take for example this obscure gem from their brilliantly titled second album, Elf Titled: "Solar Jetman - Braveheart Level." Not quite as familiar as the Super Mario Dungeon Song which every gamer knows by heart but that's probably more a poor reflection of me and my lack of in depth knowledge and no sleight towards the band.

In the latest Game Informer there's a short article on the proliferation of video game bands. As expected, they almost all have punny names but they are also almost uniformly awesome. These aren't just some untalented hacks in the basement, these are talented musicians who have actually put down the controllers and practiced some songs. I still think it's a fun concept and the technical brilliance on some of these songs is absolutely incredible. Since I've already posted a video from The Advantage, here are some other masters of the genre:

The Minibosses rock the theme song to mildly forgotten classic "Wizards and Warriors."

Wizards And Warriors - The Minibosses

Moving beyond simply aping the songs note for note, The OneUps reinterpret the music as they see fit as on this Bossa Nova version of "The Legend of Zelda."

The Legend of Zelda - Bossa De Link - The OneUps

Lastly, Powerglove shred the Mario theme. Changing it from the major to the much more metal minor key, they shred the song beyond belief. Their album is titled, Metal Kombat for the Mortal Man and sounds like Dragonforce if you removed the Wagner influence and replaced it with the music of Koji Kondo.

Mario Minor - Powerglove

Keep On Trying Till You Run Out of Cake

While at Funspot, I realized that video games have come a long way. Vector graphics are indeed super cool and I loved revisiting those old musty gems but mostly I was glad to be able to come back home to the modern world where games don't end within seconds of gameplay. Many of the titles there chewed me up and spit me out. Both Bagman & Tutankhamen lasted a total of 15 seconds and left me longing for the security of Super Mario Galaxy and it's nearly endless do-overs. Even the games I did well at were a severe challenge. The handling on Burgertime is so sluggish and stiff it's like driving without power steering.

The music leaves something to be desired too. Many games have minimal soundtracks if they have music at all. There are almost always the requisite blips and boops but I didn't really find any new favorites or any melodies I could even remember on the drive home. These days, some games release their soundtracks on cds and there are travelling orchestras who perform in packed concert halls for people who rarely leave their basements.

After 20 years of playing Mario and Zelda, their themes are hardwired into my brain and just a few notes have me swimming in a sea of nostalgia. It's always fun to play the newest version of an old favorite to see how they modernize and incorporate the leitmotifs into the latest games. I won't get into the whole modern world of video game soundtracks and bands licensing or even writing songs for them, but it's safe to say that in 30 years, the musical world of video games has changed drastically.

One of my favorite songs from the modern era I first heard while playing Rock Band and have since become addicted to. It's from the physics based puzzler Portal which I have only briefly seen but not played. The plot of the game is that you are basically trying to escape from a research facility where you can create two portals in the walls of each room. By jumping in one portal you instantly emerge from the other so if one is on the floor and the other on the ceiling, by dropping through the hole in the ground, you will instantly fall through the hole in the ceiling. it's absolutely brilliant. A robot voice, GLaDOS guides you through the test chambers but, like HAL 9000, something is a bit off and she seems to grow more and more sinister as the game goes on. Like HAL, GLaDOS is eventually disconnected and killed but instead of singing "Bicycle Built for Two" as the curtain falls, she sings this lovely little number, written by Jonathan Coulton.


Portal OST - Still Alive - Jonathan Coulton

I'm Headed to the Arcade

Today begins a week of tipping our hats to video game music. Tomorrow Mothra and I head off to Funspot (now officially the world's largest arcade) with a van full of junkies to celebrate the wonderful era of 8-bit brilliance that gave birth to such masterpieces as Q-Bert, Spy Hunter and Mr. Do's Wild Ride. I grew up in the 80s and seem to recall every game I ever played and every arcade I ever spent wasted hours in. To me there are few greater joys than playing video games whether it's old skool favorites like Donkey Kong where I tend to die within seconds or modern classics like The Legend of Zelda: The Twilight Princess where I've already played for 10+ hours and have been told I'm just getting started.

I was just discovering the world when Pac-Man came out so I seem to have mostly missed the craze it spawned but I was certainly swept away in the aftermath. The early 80s Pac-Mania seems similar to the Wii-mania that we are currently experiencing since both captured the entire public's attention, not just computer freaks or hard core gamers. It's stunning how long Pac-man has stayed in the public consciousness. They're still making console games with him as the star. I remember countless sequels including Baby Pac-Man which involved a pinball machine as well as the normal video screen, Pac-Man board games, Pac-Man cereal and the bizarre Pac-Man Saturday morning cartoon.

Obviously, for the gaming world and beyond, Pac-Man is a pretty big deal. Part of his fame must be credited to the wonderfully stupid novelty single "Pac-Man Fever" by Buckner and Garcia.



It was released in December of 1981 to capitalize on the growing national obsession with the little yellow man. The lyrics are woefully stupid but well researched as well, at one point singing, "I've got all the patterns down, up until the ninth key." Consider yourself a true video game nerd if you understand that line. It somehow made it to #9 on the Billboard charts and led the songwriting duo to create an entire album of video game songs. Apparently they wanted to write pop songs about different topics but Columbia Records had other plans for them. I find it strange that they didn't want to become known as a novelty act who only wrote video game songs but I guess it was because they had so many other novelty songs on so many other worthy topics just begging to be set free. Their first big hit explored the idea of Howard Cosell as Santa Claus and is titled "Merry Christmas in the NFL." They went on to pen other greats such as "E.T. I Love You" and "Mr. T." Where have you gone, Buckner & Garcia? A novelty-starved nation turns its lonely ears to you.

8 Bit Masterpieces

There are few things in this life better than music and video games. Both fill my earliest memories. I remember being 4 or 5 and being completely enthralled with both "Weird Al" Yankovic and Intellivision. My obsessions have not faded over the past 25 years and I still spend much of my time listening to music, playing video games or both. I have already gone on and on about my love of Guitar Hero and Rock Band but what about video game music written specifically for the games themselves? Some of these tunes I have lived with for 20 years now. When playing a game, these songs repeat themselves endlessly, embedding themselves deep in the pleasure centers of your brain. It becomes like a Pavlovian experiment - I hear the first few notes of the Legend of Zelda or Super Mario themes and I smile without even consciously knowing it. Please take a second to watch these 2 short videos of Jean Baudin rocking these themes on the 11 string bass!

Zelda


Mario


Video game music, and especially old Nintendo songs, are tied up tightly with nostalgia and they can cause video game freaks to have some pretty serious emotional reactions. Check out this crowd at a show by The Advantage, who are, as far as I know, the premier video game music cover band out there:

They start by cheering and then (I found this incredible) they start chanting along to the instrumental theme of Marble Madness. Marble Madness!! It's not even one of the more popular games of the 80s.

Video game music is now somewhat respectable enough, or at least profitable enough, that classical orchestras perform the songs in concert halls. The Video Games Live tours have been blowing the minds of game geeks for years. This clip is particularly incredible and nostalgia inducing. Starting with Pong, the orchestra touches on the music of several giants of the 8 bit era, causing synapses to fire throughout the audience. It's fun to see the reaction of the crowd as each game debuts on screen - Joust and Ghost & Goblins seem particularly popular. It's also wild to see clips from games I had completely forgotten about like Rastan. I spent so much time playing that game but hadn't thought about it in about 15 years. It's like being reunited with a long lost friend. Now I've probably said too much about my obsession so I will stop here and let you enjoy the madness:

Let the Caterwauling Begin

This summer is shaping up to be pretty superawesome. First, Mothra, Princess CPL and D Manix are due back in town in early May which is reason enough to celebrate. I also have a few trips lined up already and these journeys will most likely not leave me with intestinal distress as my recent Costa Rica jaunt did so that's a bonus. On one of these trips I will be going to the lovely New Hampshire shore for a week. Last year, my mom gave me 2 tickets to see Zappa Plays Zappa at the Casino Ballroom there and Jimbama and I went and were treated to a mind blowing event. 3+ hours of incredibly intricate rock and roll and an absolutely manic crowd of hard core Zappa freaks. It was a wonderful night and they're back again this summer during the exact week I'll be there so I plan on making this a tradition. Last time, they started with my favorite Zappa song, "Brown Shoes Don't Make It" and this year I hope to hear some gems from my favorite album We're Only In It For the Money.

But the most exciting news I've heard so far about the upcoming summer showed up on the Yahoo home page today. Rock Band is finally coming out for the Wii! June 22, 2008 is the prospective launch date. 2 short months until I forgo all responsibilities in lieu of attempting to learn the Tom Sawyer drums on expert. They claim it will have the same song content as on the XBox and Playstation versions plus 5 songs that were formerly available only as downloadable content. The Wii won't initially be equipped to allow downloadable songs but this is fine with me for now as I still have yet to figure out the online component of the machine. I'm a bit of a technology loser these days. I find myself thoroughly confused and somewhat afraid of my work issued cell phone, which is highly embarassing, but I do know how to insert a game disc into the Wii and that's all I care to know right now. One of those additional songs on the Wii Rock band is "Roam" by the B-52s which may be a worse choice than Aerosmith's cacophonous take on "The Train Kept A-Rollin'" but is also comes with "Dirty Little Secret" by Hott Mama approved All-American Rejects so they really balance each other out. As Listmaker always says, you have to take the rough with the smooch. Plus, the Wii drum set is white. White!! I'm not sure yet if that's cool or lame but the drum set will be mine regardless and that's good enough. I'm sure I can get Dustin the dismantle and spray paint it for me if I feel the white doesn't rock hard enough but I'm sure I'll be too busy sweating in my red rock pants to care.

This One's For the Kids at The Gaming Zone

I was called out in the comments section of a recent post. I was told by Dustin to "practice up" on my Rock Band skills. Dustin is returning to Vermont in exactly one month so I've got a limited number of days to prepare myself. I'm currently obsessed with the Hard mode on Guitar Hero III and have slowly made my way to the final stage. Stage 7 nearly beat me down as it is full of terrible songs I have never heard like "Stricken" by Disturbed, songs with insane time signatures such as "3's and 7's" by Queens of the Stone Age or songs with absolutely killer runs of triplets like "Knights of Cydonia" by Muse. After numerous failures and jeers from the crowd, I entered Lou's Inferno which features extremely difficult songs by Metallica, Iron maiden and Eric Johnson. I managed to get through all of these but there is one remaining song that has broken me. It is "Raining Blood" by Slayer. Check out this video of the band playing it live:

Now I know that I'm not actually playing the song. I understand that I'm really only manipulating 5 brightly colored buttons on a plastic guitar and not actually playing the complex speed metal riffs you saw on this video but it's still incredibly difficult. I have no idea how I will ever fake my way through this song and can't even imagine what it will be like if I ever trick the game into letting me play it on Expert. Who are these people who are able to play the game at this level? Why don't they channel all that energy into something else? Why am I spending so much time practicing a fake instrument when I should be studying actual guitar music? Am I going to get my face handed to me when Dustin returns in May? I will keep you posted as the day draws near. Here's a video of some kid nearly acing a section of the song I can't even get to:

Maybe I need to start drinking Red Bull.